A comprehensive resource for safe and responsible laser use

Onion satire: Pilot about to crash

Humor publication The Onion is at it again. This time, they have written a fictitious P.A. announcement being made by a pilot who has been temporarily blinded by a laser pointer and is about to crash. In addition to the black humor, the article makes excellent points about the severity of this problem. It ends by exhorting the reader to not shine laser pointers at aircraft.

The article begins: “From the flight deck, this is your captain ....in case you're wondering why the plane feels like it's completely out of control, well, there's currently some [idiot] standing on the roof of his car down near the tarmac shining a laser pointer directly into in my eyes. I literally can't see a goddamn thing.”

The “captain” goes on to explain that “ there were almost 3,000 lasering incidents last year alone.... [t]hat's eight instances per day in which a human being—someone with a conscience who ostensibly knows the difference between right and wrong—drives to an airport, gets out of his car, and entertains himself by shining a [very bright] laser pointer directly into a pilot's eyes.”Click to read more...

Xoraxia: Laser pointer hits planet

Even humor publication “The Onion” has noted how annoying laser pointer misuse can be. In a March 15 2010 story, they describe how a laser pointer aimed skyward from Earth in 1997 is now annoying a planet 13 light years away.

They also describe the ultimate revenge: “At press time, irritated Xoraxian military personnel were hard at work building a giant megalaser designed to incinerate the source planet of the irritation.”

The Onion